Do you know that old lullaby, “Hush little baby, don’t say a word?” I sing that, along with several other songs, to Jillienne every night as she falls asleep. Normally I find myself going through the motions, but a couple weeks ago I found myself in a bit of a funk.
As I got to the last line of that old song, my breath caught in my throat.
If that bathing suit don’t fit, mama’s gonna say, “Ooh I quit.”
Quit.
That’s exactly what I felt like doing.
It had been a hard day filled with sibling rivalry and discipline and arguments with the hubby. But for a while, I couldn’t put my finger on what made it more difficult than any other day.
And then I realized what was different.
Decision Fatigue.
There are always So. Many. Decisions. to make every single day.
What to fix for breakfast and lunch and what to cook for dinner. How long should the kids play outside and what time limit should be applied to television and video games. Should I punish a child for an offense or offer grace? How many snacks should each child get and when is enough enough? Do I offer a bottle to Jillienne when she cries at night or just lay her back down? Do I let the kids stay up late for movie night or make them go to bed?
And those are just the big decisions.
I also make hundreds of little decisions every single day. And on this particular evening, I was tired.
Tired of making all those seemingly insignificant decisions. Tired of worrying about school and coronavirus and how my kids are missing out on so many things.
Here’s the thing. Those “little” decisions aren’t insignificant. Especially to me as an Enneagram 9, a person who hates making decisions with every ounce of her being.
Seriously, decision-making is the worst.
I know this “decision fatigue” may seem silly to some. But I also know many of you can relate to my feelings of exhaustion surrounding the never-ending choices that need to be made. Maybe you, too, are the main decision-maker at your house. Being the one who makes the decisions has happened by default because we, as moms, are generally the ones at home with the kids in the summer or at home in the afternoons when the kids come home from school. And this year, we’ve been home with the kids for months, thanks to COVID-19.
As I look out and see the endless decisions that must be made day in and day out, I’m overwhelmed. And it’s not just the deicisions. It’s the doing.
The doing of the laundry and the dishes. The dusting and the cleaning. The doing of ensuring everybody has everything they need for every activity they’re involved in.
Don’t get me wrong – most days are okay, good even. But some days are most definitely not.
And all the decisions that need to be made flood my thoughts and sometimes threaten to bury me.
I sit here, wanting to type, “I just don’t know what to do.”
Except that’s not true.
I do know what to do.
- I need to turn to Jesus and ask for His wisdom. James 1:5 say all we need to do is ask, and God will give us wisdom.
“If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and He will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.”
- I need to give myself grace because that’s what God does for each of us. I know I can’t do everything yet I still hold myself to that expectation.
“Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” Lamentations 3:22-23
So tonight, I will go to bed and attempt to turn my mind off. To rest in His presence.
And tomorrow, I will revel in God’s mercies and wisdom.
All while making a hundred decisions.