When Darkness Threatens to Overwhelm Us

I don’t know about you, but right now life feels like Groundhog’s Day. The same thing over and over and over with no end in sight.

In our house, the past few weeks have been filled with much juxtaposition: laughter and tears, hope and sadness, energy and exhaustion. Being cooped up in our homes hasn’t been easy.

And the last few days have been extra difficult with our toddler. She hasn’t been napping well during the day, and she’s been waking for middle-of-the night feedings, staying awake for almost an hour at a time. It’s been exhausting for me.

We had a particularly rough night earlier this week. Our sweet girl had experienced a difficult day where she was nearly inconsolable and nighttime was no better. As I sat in her room at 3:30 a.m. waiting on her to finish her bottle, I found myself getting angry and frustrated.

“I’m so exhausted! My plans always have to come second to these kids. It’s not fair!” I complained silently to the Lord. “Help me desire sacrifice, Father. I know you’re calling me to it but it’s so hard and I’m so tired.”

As silent tears rolled down my cheeks, my situation felt insurmountable. But as I wallowed in self-pity, I felt a little nudge from the Lord, encouraging me to keep going. Reminding me that He had given these precious children to me for such a time as this. And with Him, anything was possible.

The baby finally drifted off to sleep and I quietly snuck back downstairs and got into bed for a couple more hours of rest. As the morning light filtered through my bedroom, I rose and grabbed my Bible, grasping for anything the Holy Spirit wanted to tell me as another day began. And He was faithful to encourage me with fresh wisdom and mercy.

Things always look bleakest in the middle of the night, don’t they? It’s hard to see past the darkness, not only the physical darkness but also the darkness in our soul. But so often, morning brings light and clarity.

For many of us, this time of quarantine has been good for our soul. We’ve spent precious time with loved ones, slowing down our lives to actually enjoy them.

Yet at the same time, it may also feel dark and scary. The fear and unknown seem overwhelming.

I’m sure Jesus’ disciples experienced these same feelings, too. In fact, when Jesus died upon that cross, the whole earth experienced literal darkness for three hours. People were fearful as the earth trembled and quaked. The disciples managed to escape, quarantining themselves in a house, afraid to come out lest they be beaten or killed. Their plight seemed hopeless – their beloved friend and teacher had died and they were left all alone in a world that hated them. But their story doesn’t end in darkness and ours won’t either.

As I think about those final days of Jesus, I am reminded once again that He is bigger than the darkness. Jesus, the Son of God, came to give us light and life. He arose from the grave and defeated death, just as He said He would.

I am grateful for my Jesus, who walks with me even in the midst of this chaotic and frightening time. He encourages me and gives me the stamina I need to get through each day, even those that are exhausting beyond belief. And I’m thankful He has given my family time to rest and reflect on Him.

Easter 2020 will most certainly be different as we are unable to gather together with fellow believers in celebration of Jesus’ resurrection. But it won’t be any less meaningful.

Jesus is still King. And He is still on His throne.