Lately, life has been busy. It feels as though our family sees each other in passing as Brienne goes to Physical Therapy, Jonah goes to swim team, and Vivienne goes to cheer practice. And the busier life gets, the more stressed I become.
My working full time affords us a lot of amenities, but other things seem to slip through the cracks. Laundry piles up and crumbs gather on the floors. I can’t seem to do it all and even though Peter is a huge help, there is always more to be done.
As the stress level increases, I find my patience decreasing. I yell at my kids for no reason other than that they’re being kids. My fuse is short with my husband when he asks me a simple question. I’m not the wife and mother I want to be and I wonder if there’s something wrong with me. Some hormone imbalance that needs correcting.
Part of the problem, it seems, is that my selfish desires get in the way. Does this sound familiar? I can go for weeks putting on my happy face, pretending that everything is great, being nice to those around me. Then one little thing will upset this delicate balance and I lose my mind.
I need more of Jesus.
I need the Holy Spirit to fill me up every single day.
But as a busy working mom, that’s hard, isn’t it? And even if you don’t work outside the home, it’s still difficult to find a few quiet moments to sit in the Lord’s presence before the mad rush of the day begins.
Apparently in my old age I am becoming a morning person. I get this from my dad’s side of the family who think if you’re not up by 4:30 am, you’ve missed half the day. Thank you, Cooper genes.
But surprisingly I actually enjoy being up early. I creep out of bed when the house is still quiet, coffee in one hand, Bible in the other, hoping for some encouragement, some word from the Lord, to soothe and satisfy my soul so I can be the mom and wife God created me to be. 
I’m currently reading through the Psalms. (It’s taking me forever since I only have a few minutes each morning before chaos ensues.) But this week I read Psalms 112:1-2. This is what it said:
“Praise the Lord! How blessed is the man who fears the Lord, who greatly delights in His commandments. His descendants will be mighty on earth; the generation of the upright will be blessed.”
After reading these verses, I wrote the following in my journal:
I want my children and their children to be “mighty on earth.” I want them to do great things in the name of Jesus. But my attitude and anger and frustration and laziness get in the way.
Those are some really hard things to admit – my attitude and anger and frustration and laziness. But it’s the truth – and I want to be transparent on this blog. I get tired after a long day of working with other people’s children and sometimes I just want to come home and decompress. I’m positive I’m not the only person who feels this way.
The problem is that God never said life would be easy. He never said raising children would be a walk in the park. Anything worth doing is difficult and that goes for parenting as well.
So today I will fill my cup with coffee and my soul with Jesus.
I will seek Him first because He is my life-giver and He knows my hurts and my strong-holds and my weaknesses.
Only He can fill those places.
Today I will let Him.