The Rules Have Been in My Head the Whole Time

What rules do you have in your home? Are you a rule-follower or do you fly by the seat of your pants?

Recently I was playing what I thought was a game of basketball in the driveway with Vivienne. But I’ve come to learn that even if I think I’m playing a certain game, it’s usually not what it seems.

There I was, shooting baskets, when suddenly Vivienne yelled at me, “Mom! You’re cheating!”

What? I certainly didn’t think I was cheating, but apparently I wasn’t playing according to her rules. (By the way, who cheats when they’re playing basketball with a five-year old?)

“No, I’m not cheating,” I responded. “I guess I just didn’t know the rules.”

Then Vivienne stared intently at me in disgust and said this: “Well, the rules have been in my head the whole time.”

Aha.

 

How often do we expect our children to play by our rules when we don’t even tell them what the rules are?

I’m guilty of thinking things through in my head without voicing them out loud and then expecting my children to read my mind. I discipline or punish them for things that they didn’t even know were wrong. Or maybe they knew what they did wasn’t quite appropriate but it had never come with consequences before.

Parenting is hard, y’all. I can’t always remember all the rules I’ve set for our household and which ones have just “been in my head the whole time.”

As I pondered some of my parenting strategies, I also began asking another question of myself:

Is it fair to expect each child to play by the same rules?

Now, in some ways, yes it is fair to expect each child to follow the same rules. For example, everybody needs to clean up their toys and put away their dirty clothes.

But each child also has their own set of rules to follow because their personalities are so different. So, although things aren’t always “equal” in our home, we do try to make things “fair.” It’s hard though, isn’t it? It’s difficult to know how to parent each child in the way they need to be parented.

I have one child who wants to mostly be left alone to his own devices and will only occasionally come to snuggle with mom or dad. I have another child who wants to be attached to my hip at all times. And I have yet another child who likes her own personal space but also wants to hang out with me in the evenings.

Knowing all of their quirky personality traits and innate needs helps me to be a better mom.

Prayer is also instrumental in helping me parent better. I love Isaiah 40:11 which says this:

“He gently leads those who have young.”

Jesus is the Good Shepherd. He knows how difficult it is to guide our children so He gently leads us in this pursuit. He doesn’t rebuke us when we make a mistake. He doesn’t shovel guilt on top of us until we change our ways. Instead, He gently takes us by the hand and leads us where He wants us to go. He helps us raise our children in the way He wants.

I love the picture of my Shepherd Jesus taking my hand as I lead my children through the ups and downs of everyday life.

And when I fail my children, which happens a lot more often that I’d like to admit, I trust that God can redeem it for His glory. Because He is a good Father and a loving Savior.

Today you may be confused by the parenting rules. Or you may not even know what the rules are anymore. But I promise you this: you can trust your Heavenly Father to guide you and lead you gently as you teach and discipline your children.

Ask Him. He wants to be your help and comfort.