I was driving down the interstate, listening to the sound of silence. My children and I had just spent a few days at the beach with my parents who had bravely decided to whisk the kids home with them for a week of fun at Nanna’s and Pappy’s. This reprieve from the daily grind of catering to all the kids’ needs left me with a silent and thought-provoking 8 hour drive back home to Clarksville.
I was feeling rested and content after our time at the beach but as I got closer and closer to home, I could feel anxiety rising. My mind began to drift towards all the things I needed to do, all the people I wanted to see, all the things I wanted to hear from others.
I began to think dumb things like:
Am I tan enough?
Am I still thin enough?
Am I fun and carefree?
What will others think if I take a new job?
Will anyone want to hang out with me?
In short, I began to worry about what others think of me. And y’all. I thought I had kicked this terrible sin habit years ago, so why was this resurfacing now?
What is wrong with me?
Just when I think I’ve mastered the habit of people-pleasing, I find myself spiraling back down. Out of control.
Why is this happening again?
Because truly, for years, I did not struggle with people pleasing. And I’ve actually become quite good at telling people “no” when I don’t feel led to do something. But still, in the back of my mind, I want others to like me. And if I’m being brutally honest, I don’t just want others to like me. I want them to love me.
It’s a sickness… And not one I’m proud of.
I think one reason I didn’t struggle with people-pleasing for so many years is because I disconnected myself from others, particularly while we lived in Georgia. I disconnected from friends, isolating myself in my house. At first it wasn’t on purpose. At first it was simply survival.
I had three children, one of whom was a tantrum-throwing toddler in the throes of autism and another who was a colicky infant who didn’t sleep for 13 months. I had no choice but to isolate myself in my home because, trust me: nobody wanted to jump on board that crazy train.
But as the children continued to grow and mature, I continued to remain disconnected. Sure, I had friends. I attended Life Group and MOPS meetings. I went to church. But I didn’t really foster deep connections with other people. And thus, there was no fear of disappointing them.
But now as I am coming out of that disconnected place, attempting to reconnect here in Tennessee at church and at work, I find those old struggles returning.
What will people think?
What can I do to make them like me more?
How can I change this part of my personality in order to fit into this friend group?
It’s exhausting. And not what the Lord wants for me. Or for you.
The Lord is so clear in His Word about His love for His children. Maybe you, like me, need a few reminders of how deeply the Lord of Heaven loves you. Read these out loud and soak in the revelation of God’s immense love.
- Nothing can separate me from the love of God (Romans 8:38-39)
- God is with me; He will hold me and strengthen me (Isaiah 41:10)
- We are no longer slaves to sin (Galatians 4:7) but instead we are children of God (John 1:12)
- I am chosen, holy, and blameless (Ephesians 1:4)
- I am God’s workmanship (Ephesians 2:10)
- I am complete in Christ (Colossians 2:10)
- I have been chosen and I am holy and beloved (Colossians 3:12)
- I am accepted by Christ (Romans 15:7)
I don’t know what it is for you, but as I dig deeper, I realize that the root of my people-pleasing stems from fear. Fear of disappointing others. Fear of rejection. Fear of abandonment.
But I know this to be true: God is faithful. He has chosen me and He will never leave or forsake me. Praise Jesus!
I recently read a quote by Beth Moore taken from her Bible study, The Quest. This is what it said:
“The breathtaking you the world needs to see is the one drenched to the bone in Jesus. You have no idea how gorgeous you are, soaked in the radiance of His glory.”
Do you see that, friend? The world needs you. Not someone you are striving to be. Not someone who changes their personality to fit in with others.
The world needs you.
So let’s allow God’s truth to wash over us and fill all those empty places.
Because today I want to be soaked in the radiance of Jesus.
