Toddlers love to exert their independence. I can vividly remember trying to buckle our youngest child in her carseat on a blustery winter day while she screamed at the top of her lungs, “No!!!! I do it!!!”
In her two-year old mind, she was capable of anything. But the problem was that she couldn’t actually do it. She was literally not physically strong enough to buckle that 5-point harness all by herself.
It was frustrating for her (and let’s face it, for me too) as she struggled with her own carseat while watching her older brother and sister easily buckle themselves into the car. It just didn’t seem fair to this little spitfire of a girl.
I can relate so well with her two-year old self. So many times I look around at what others are doing, and I become frustrated with my own situation. I see all the pinteresty crafts other moms are making with their children, or I see other women who look like they have it all together while I’m just trying not to cry as I step over another pile of laundry. And although I know I can’t actually “do it all,” I really really want to, and it frustrates me that I can’t.
But I’m learning.
I’m learning that sometimes I need to ask for help. Like my daughter in her carseat, sometimes we just can’t do it by ourselves. Sometimes we need to show our vulnerability and allow another friend to come alongside us.
I have always been pretty independent. Unless it’s my family, I don’t really like to ask anyone for help because I feel as if I should be able to handle my life on my own. But we weren’t meant to live alone. The past several years as a stay-at-home mom, I have handled things fairly well. There hadn’t been a huge need for others to help me out with my children because I was at home with them and could usually deal with whatever situation arose.
But, even now, after 18 years as a military spouse and having moved several times, I am reminded of one thing. We really do need our tribe.
Let me say it again.
We need our tribe.
And now that I’m a full-time working mom, there are times when I actually physically cannot handle things. Gasp! It has been so hard asking for help from others, particularly when Peter is out of town and I need help with the kids.
Yet this is where my tribe steps in. If they can’t physically help me, they support me and help me find someone who can.
I have recently realized that, while I enjoy my job (most days), I also miss my tribe desperately. I miss having coffee with friends. I miss studying the Bible with other ladies who are in similar stages of life as I am. I miss meeting my besties at the gym for a 9:00 a.m. spin class. I miss my people.
As an introvert, I like time to myself. I love people but they drain me. And let’s face it, I’m with people all day every day at work and at home. Most times, the last thing I want to do once my kids are in bed is go hang out with more people.
But I’ve discovered over the past few months that I need my tribe. I need to be with other women who know me and understand me. Other women I can relate to. So I’ve recently started a Moms Night Out gathering with my friends. It’s nothing fancy – just a group of women who get together once a month to hang out. Sometimes we go to the movies or out to dinner or we go grab some ice cream.
It’s just a chance to be intentional in our friendships.
And it has been such a blessing to me.
I hope that each of you has a tribe of women you can rely on. Friendships are important but it takes work to foster them and keep them from growing stagnant.
What can you do this week to find your tribe? How can you intentionally invest in your friendships?
If you don’t have a tribe, I encourage you to be bold in fostering new friendships in your community. Start this week!